Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs

I’ve recently noticed the fresh crop of political signs sprouting from the earth – an obvious indication that spring is arriving, I suppose. I could swear that we had finally gotten rid of these “weeds” from last fall’s annoyingly-abundant harvest only recently, but apparently there were some residual roots that failed to get pulled. These are now blooming into only slightly different flowers; “mayor” versus “president”, “Yes” on this issue versus “No” on last fall’s and so on. I did try to help, by the way. I searched the local store shelves for a brand of weed-killer that specifically said it would kill political signs – but apparently such a product is not available.

In thinking about the political weeds, (uh … signs, sorry), I started thinking about signs and their prevalence, (if not importance), in our lives. We live in a country of signs. Signs are everywhere, from billboards to banners; wooden spray-painted to the little corrugated plastic things on wire stands; hand-written paper to posters to the sides of cars, trucks and busses – signs are everywhere you look. That, I think, is one of the biggest differences between us and other countries … the number of signs. Ever look at a photo of a foreign country and without knowing where it was taken, immediately your brain tells you that it’s foreign? You don’t realize it, but I promise you – somewhere in the deepest reaches of your subliminal mind, it is the lack of signs that tells you that it’s not a local photo!

Some of the signs that we have in our lives are meant to entice us. “SALE TODAY!” “SAVE BIG!” “FINANCING AVAILABLE!” These all end in exclamation points so that we know that today’s sale is bigger than yesterdays. A couple of my own companies use exclamation points frequently. The fact is, we respond to excitement. If there is a sale, it’s exciting.

Of course, enticement signs can also be misleading. Imagine if you are an average guy driving down the South Service Road on your way to pick up a Mickey-D’s Sweet Tea and you see a giant sign that says “CHICK DAYS!” Well, it’s very possible that some men would whip into the parking lot and run inside the local Farm & Home store with a handful of dollar bills – only to find a tub-full of baby chickens, of course. “CHICK DAYS!” It’s all in how you interpret the message. I mean, we just got our first stoplight – I guess the possibility of a “Red Light District” isn’t such a stretch.

Speaking of misleading signs, I’m sure that there are a number of weary travelers who cross beneath our new Elmont Road overpass and quickly exit – drawn by the beauty of the rust-covered “SUNRISE MOTEL” Sign. It even promises AAA Membership, by the way. Much to the chagrin of those misled travelers, of course, they’ll find only an empty lot – the Sunrise went off into the Sunset many moons ago. And yet, just to ensure that we don’t suffer a shortage of signs in our lives, the sign remains, kindly implying that Sullivan is a town of beauty and growth, (with our new overpass), but still a good ‘ole down-home kinda’ place. Sort of like an old refrigerator on the front porch of a mansion. We’re like the Beverly Hillbilly’s and pretty soon, they’ll finish up on that new “concrete pond” over off Winsel Creek! (That’d be the new sewage treatment facility for those who aren’t familiar).

Of course, we’re not the only offenders when it comes to out-dated signs. The Stanton FINA – a booming little gas station when I was a kid – has been nothing but a pile of rocky debris for what? 20-years or so … something like that. I’m pretty sure that there is still a sign standing there offering gasoline at 79-cents a gallon. At least, there was at one point not so long ago. You wanna’ talk about getting the attention of Interstate travelers last summer – if THAT didn’t get people to pull off the highway, nothing will. In fact, I wonder if there was an increase in accidents near that exit last year, (people scrambling across the lanes to exit for cheap gas)?

And of course, Meramec Caverns probably has more signs standing on the face of this planet than any other business in history. It’s kind of neat, really. Remember when they used to put them on barn roofs? It seems like no matter where you drive in America, at some point along whatever Interstate you’re traveling, you’ll see a sign advertising Meramec Caverns, Stanton, Missouri. I’ve always thought of that as my personal reminder how far I was from home. To be perfectly honest, I think that at some point in the future, the little NASA Mars Rovers will send back a picture of some Martian farmer’s barn and on the roof will be a giant Meramec Caverns logo with “just another 225.70-Million Miles” underneath. Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

I guess the most interesting aspect of our sign-addiction, however, is that we’re now accustomed to seeing signs advertising signs. “RENT THIS SPACE”, “GET NOTICED – AD HERE”, “THIS SPACE FOR RENT” … these are all signs advertising signs. Some of these are up forever, too. If you look along the South Service Road near the fairgrounds, you’ll see a couple of billboards that have had a “rent-this-space” message for so long – they date back to when Sullivan was part of the “314” area code! (I’m quite certain I remember them painting over the “314” at some point). You gotta’ feel bad for that guy – sitting by his phone for nearly 30-years, just waiting for someone to call and rent his sign. I’d think that he might want to consider a different line of work at some point. I mean, no ads for 30-years is probably not a good sign.

Wave Profiling

As I’ve mentioned before in this column, I’m a waver. I wave. In fact, there’s something so “down-home”, so friendly and neighborly about waving to another person, that I’ve pretty much made a habit of waving while I drive. I wave to people I know; I wave to people I “think” I know, (usually I turn out to be wrong); I wave to people that I definitely don’t know; I’ve even been known to wave at dogs alongside the road as I’ve driven by. Yes, that’s quite odd, I’d agree. However, there’s no sense in denying it because I know that people have witnessed me doing it before.

Another area of my guilt is waving at people who I don’t know. Often, I’ll do this just to be friendly. Just as often, however, I’ll do it because I “think” I know the person, but then realize a second too late that I don’t. (Ever notice how you buy a new car and suddenly it seems like everyone has the same model and color?) Within a mile of my home, there are a total of 5 cars like my wife’s – same color, same style. I’ve waved at all of them, multiple times. I know when it’s my wife – she’s the one who is usually too mad at me to wave back!

As a waver, I find it interesting how many different types of waves there are out there. Being a “wave conessuer of sorts, I’ve mentally cataloged many of these wave-types and noted the demographics of people who mostly use each method. By sharing some of these, I hope to connect to other “wavers” out there, but also to encourage more people to wave when they pass other cars on the road. Let’s face it – waving promotes friendliness; friendliness promotes neighborliness; neighborliness promotes good will and good will is the foundation of a healthy community. (Or some sappy crud like that, anyway).

“The Wave of Uncertainty” When you wave to someone you don’t know, you get one of two responses, depending on the type of person being waved at. The confident types will immediately acknowledge your friendly gesture and return the favor. The timid, however, are fun to watch. They’ll hit you with the “Wave of Uncertainty”. The WoU starts out as a smiling wave, but as you draw nearer, the person immediately drops their hand and furrows their brow. (This is the point at which they realize they do not know you). That, however, is only a retracted wave. To make full, WoU status, the person has to instantly realize that you saw the retracted wave and that they are being rude for not waving back. They’ll then re-apply the waving hand and begin a smile that usually only gets half-achieved by the time you pass; looking more like a grimace of confusion or a sudden need to use the restroom.

“The Twin-Finger Cool Wave” The wave I most often use, the twin-fingered cool wave is a simple lifting of the index and middle (flipper?) fingers from the steering wheel. Cool, in that you’re not waving your hand giddily like a kid watching Mickey at Disney World, but evident-enough to be seen by the passer-by as a respectful salutation and acknowledgement of their gesture. This wave also leaves your non-driving hand free to hold your coffee cup, stick shift or spit cup – whatever your situation may be.

“The Look At Me Wave” This wave is almost always given by the overly friendly, “Miss Congeniality” types. Even though the person does not know you, their overbearing personality and intense love of human kindness thrusts them into an eager, frantic flailing of the hand in front of their grinning face – often honking the horn at the same time. For these people, it’s as though they are so insistent on making sure that you receive their appreciation for your wave, they’ll forego everything else to make sure you see their return wave. Focus on the roadway, hands on the steering wheel, any awareness of roadway dangers or stop signs; it’s all cast aside in the interest of having their wave noticed. Sweet people, these LAMW’s … it’s just a shame that they have so many traffic accidents.

“The Beemer Nose Wave” The rarest of all return waves, the BNW is a slight nodding of the driver’s already-upturned nose in response to your wave. Rare, in that these people will never purposely acknowledge someone lower on the social ladder, (especially those of us driving pickup trucks), and the movement is so slight, it’s often difficult to discern from a simple bump in the road. If you ever get a BNW response … take a picture! (Just don’t use the zoom lens – you don’t want to see up their nostrils).

“The Head Nod” Some people mistake the HN for rudeness, figuring that the driver is too stuck up to really bother “waving back”, so they simply acknowledge your wave as an admiration of their grandeur. This once may have been the case. However, as one who drives, (and waves), frequently, I can tell you that there is a new and very valid reason for the head nod. Think about it – many drivers these days are busy. They have one knee steering the wheel, one hand holding the cell phone, a hot coffee between their legs, a donut/sandwich/slice of pizza hanging from their mouth and one arm stretched back over the seat beating an unruly child in the back. The fact that they were even able to manage a response to your wave is amazing in itself. The fact that they didn’t swerve into you in the process is truly something of awe.

So, the next time you wave at someone on the road – pay attention to the response you get and see if my list is accurate. In fact, e-mail me at wdl@williamdouglaslittle.com and let me know if you find other waves that I’ve neglected to mention. Who knows – maybe there’s a brand new one out there, just waiting to be added to this list! And, for those people who refuse to wave back, avoid them like the plague. After all – a person is only as good as their wave.