Wave Profiling

As I’ve mentioned before in this column, I’m a waver. I wave. In fact, there’s something so “down-home”, so friendly and neighborly about waving to another person, that I’ve pretty much made a habit of waving while I drive. I wave to people I know; I wave to people I “think” I know, (usually I turn out to be wrong); I wave to people that I definitely don’t know; I’ve even been known to wave at dogs alongside the road as I’ve driven by. Yes, that’s quite odd, I’d agree. However, there’s no sense in denying it because I know that people have witnessed me doing it before.

Another area of my guilt is waving at people who I don’t know. Often, I’ll do this just to be friendly. Just as often, however, I’ll do it because I “think” I know the person, but then realize a second too late that I don’t. (Ever notice how you buy a new car and suddenly it seems like everyone has the same model and color?) Within a mile of my home, there are a total of 5 cars like my wife’s – same color, same style. I’ve waved at all of them, multiple times. I know when it’s my wife – she’s the one who is usually too mad at me to wave back!

As a waver, I find it interesting how many different types of waves there are out there. Being a “wave conessuer of sorts, I’ve mentally cataloged many of these wave-types and noted the demographics of people who mostly use each method. By sharing some of these, I hope to connect to other “wavers” out there, but also to encourage more people to wave when they pass other cars on the road. Let’s face it – waving promotes friendliness; friendliness promotes neighborliness; neighborliness promotes good will and good will is the foundation of a healthy community. (Or some sappy crud like that, anyway).

“The Wave of Uncertainty” When you wave to someone you don’t know, you get one of two responses, depending on the type of person being waved at. The confident types will immediately acknowledge your friendly gesture and return the favor. The timid, however, are fun to watch. They’ll hit you with the “Wave of Uncertainty”. The WoU starts out as a smiling wave, but as you draw nearer, the person immediately drops their hand and furrows their brow. (This is the point at which they realize they do not know you). That, however, is only a retracted wave. To make full, WoU status, the person has to instantly realize that you saw the retracted wave and that they are being rude for not waving back. They’ll then re-apply the waving hand and begin a smile that usually only gets half-achieved by the time you pass; looking more like a grimace of confusion or a sudden need to use the restroom.

“The Twin-Finger Cool Wave” The wave I most often use, the twin-fingered cool wave is a simple lifting of the index and middle (flipper?) fingers from the steering wheel. Cool, in that you’re not waving your hand giddily like a kid watching Mickey at Disney World, but evident-enough to be seen by the passer-by as a respectful salutation and acknowledgement of their gesture. This wave also leaves your non-driving hand free to hold your coffee cup, stick shift or spit cup – whatever your situation may be.

“The Look At Me Wave” This wave is almost always given by the overly friendly, “Miss Congeniality” types. Even though the person does not know you, their overbearing personality and intense love of human kindness thrusts them into an eager, frantic flailing of the hand in front of their grinning face – often honking the horn at the same time. For these people, it’s as though they are so insistent on making sure that you receive their appreciation for your wave, they’ll forego everything else to make sure you see their return wave. Focus on the roadway, hands on the steering wheel, any awareness of roadway dangers or stop signs; it’s all cast aside in the interest of having their wave noticed. Sweet people, these LAMW’s … it’s just a shame that they have so many traffic accidents.

“The Beemer Nose Wave” The rarest of all return waves, the BNW is a slight nodding of the driver’s already-upturned nose in response to your wave. Rare, in that these people will never purposely acknowledge someone lower on the social ladder, (especially those of us driving pickup trucks), and the movement is so slight, it’s often difficult to discern from a simple bump in the road. If you ever get a BNW response … take a picture! (Just don’t use the zoom lens – you don’t want to see up their nostrils).

“The Head Nod” Some people mistake the HN for rudeness, figuring that the driver is too stuck up to really bother “waving back”, so they simply acknowledge your wave as an admiration of their grandeur. This once may have been the case. However, as one who drives, (and waves), frequently, I can tell you that there is a new and very valid reason for the head nod. Think about it – many drivers these days are busy. They have one knee steering the wheel, one hand holding the cell phone, a hot coffee between their legs, a donut/sandwich/slice of pizza hanging from their mouth and one arm stretched back over the seat beating an unruly child in the back. The fact that they were even able to manage a response to your wave is amazing in itself. The fact that they didn’t swerve into you in the process is truly something of awe.

So, the next time you wave at someone on the road – pay attention to the response you get and see if my list is accurate. In fact, e-mail me at wdl@williamdouglaslittle.com and let me know if you find other waves that I’ve neglected to mention. Who knows – maybe there’s a brand new one out there, just waiting to be added to this list! And, for those people who refuse to wave back, avoid them like the plague. After all – a person is only as good as their wave.