A Digital World

I’m guessing that by now pretty much everyone knows that we’re all going digital sometime in the near future … at least in a television sense. Maybe most of us don’t care. I know that as a satellite subscriber, I’m not affected. Likewise, those of you living within the confines of societal harmony with access to modern amenities such as cable also won’t notice a difference. Maybe the picture will be clearer, but I think you’ve actually been watching digital TV for some time now. (Who would really know?)
However, I feel really bad for those in the far reaches – the kind of places that I really like to inhabit. There are those among us who still rely on a 14-inch black and white television for news and connection to the rest of the world. Sure, they’ve seen the commercials warning of the government-enforced changes. It’s appeared on their screens amidst the blizzard of white static that I recall accompanying such sets. The problem is – I’m guessing – that there are many who cannot afford to go out and drop money on a new set. How, I ask you, will they get their news? How will they know if a storm is approaching; if an eminent threat lies in our future; if the Meramec is going to suddenly swell with thirty-foot tsunami’s and wash the Redhorse Suckers downstream to Fenton? The answer is simply, they won’t.
It’s not often that I climb aboard the proverbial soapbox – at least not publicly. I’m not even sure that this qualifies as said soapbox, per se’. However, I find it hard to determine what exactly the threat of the analog television signal really was, and why it was so important that our bloated government step in and demand a disruption in American lives? Was analog causing cancer? Stupidity? Didn’t have enough Washington lobbyists to keep it viable? Wouldn’t their time, (and our tax dollars), have been better spent mandating what’s on the tube, rather than how it’s broadcast?
Now, let’s not get heated on the matter. I’m not saying that I’m a proponent of censorship. I believe that everything has its place. However, little kids watch things like football as much as we grown kids do … maybe we should consider what commercials air during those games more than whether or not the signal is 40-gazillion pixels per square centimeter? Maybe that way parents wouldn’t have to change channels during commercial breaks, lest they find themselves explaining Viagra to a six-year-old.
I understand that, (from some pretty respected local experts on the matter), places like Steelville, Cuba and the majority of Washington County are going to lose their ability to pick up local broadcast channels – even after spending several hundred bucks on equipment to convert. Why? Digital signal is weaker than analog. What? Is it just me, or are we taking a step backward here? I sure feel good about paying those taxes last year. I mean, thank goodness our government is keeping shows like Desperate Housewives and American Idol off the sets of those living somewhat away from the grid. Well, perhaps a little less Hollywood influence would be good for all of us? Maybe they should just shut down the whole thing? We could always go back to courier pigeons for our news … that way we’d have something to eat if we got hungry enough.
Look, I’m not saying it’s the end of the world here. I mean, I’d rather like to see more people turn off the television and pick up a good book. (I could recommend one). Maybe the absence of a television signal will actually allow people the time to read or, perhaps even listen to the radio – both are things that exercise our imaginations. But, how long is it going to be before Big Brother steps in and tells us that KTUI has to go digital – thereby turning our trusty old transistor radios into worthless landfill-fillers? (One could argue that Bob Cosgrove’s voice would carry the broadcast area without any radio transmitter, but Little John might have to shout). And, with all of this digital technology, what happens when Martians come to invade us and jam the digital signals? Maybe they’re too advanced to know about analog … just maybe we’re putting our national security at risk? Maybe the government is working with the Martians for just that reason? It’s a conspiracy, man.
Unfortunately I also have to tell you that all newspapers are going to be printed in digital ink as of February 17th. Yeah, I know – it just keeps getting worse. So, without stopping into the Journal office and purchasing a pair of $400 digital decipher glasses with an Orphan Annie decoder ring built into the stems, you’re no longer going to be able to see the paper’s ink. It’ll just be a bunch of blank, white sheets. Good for wallpaper or birdcage liners maybe, but not much else. Of course, with the glasses, the new, vivid newsprint will stand out like Ted Kennedy at an AA meeting. There’s that, I guess.
I guess we should just remember, silly things like common sense can never be allowed to stand in the way of progress …